Help I'm Alive
by To Be A Necessity
Summary: Eli moves away and Clare finds herself testing her life with near-death experiences. What happens when she goes a litte too far? ECLARE-ensued.  Based on Metric's song Help I'm Alive. Contains some cursing.
1. Train Tracks with Painful Reminders

**Brand new series based on Metric's _Help I'm Alive_ song, which brought my imagination to this.**

**The lyrics are **_italicized _**and the flashbacks are in bold font. **

**Please tell me whether or not to continue with the series :)**

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_I tremble._

Clare balanced herself on the thin edge of the train tracks, balancing herself with her arms straight out, tilting ever so slightly left and right when needed. This was what she hadn't experienced anytime in her life, nor had thought about it in her lifetime. She never thought that putting her life at risk would be so exhilarating, when it sounded so deadly.

_They're gonna eat me alive._

She breathed out a smile while she stood in the center, looking around at the scenery while her arms dropped to her sides. The trees had just changed to invite Fall with a warming greeting, their leaves turning a bright red or yellow. Clare had forgotten how beautiful nature was since Eli had moved away.

_If I stumble_

She swallowed loudly. _Since Eli decided to leave her life_.

_They're gonna eat me alive._

He had told her that he would be back for her after graduation, but she highly doubted it. People move and never come back; it was basically that easy. Not once did her father come back after he moved out, not once had Darcy come home after she moved to Kenya. She was brought up with hatred and lies that brought her to where she was now.

_Can you hear my heart beating like a hammer?_

The psychopath who now walked train tracks in her free time.

Clare was about half a mile out and away from safety as a whistle blew in the distance. Clare closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath. She had been through this routine before; she could almost do it in her sleep. She was used to the pain coming from her body as she jumped off the tracks at the last second, sending her into the deep trench that surrounded the tracks.

_Beating like a hammer_

It was painful. But it was worth it. Adam hadn't figured out what she had been doing as her newest hobby lately; she had to take advantage of the time she had before her world would be unraveling once again.

This wasn't her first attempt at near-death experiences.

She started with rock climbing.

It didn't happen on purpose. She accidentally slipped, her life line plummeting her down about five feet before finally taking action. She giggled excitedly while Adam looked in shock and fear at Clare, who was at the same spot he was before she slipped.

"**Clare?" He asked, and Clare could hear a slight shake in his voice.**

**Her laughing died down. "Yeah?" She asked, dumbfounded.**

"**Are you okay?" Adam seemed befuddled, which sent Clare into a giggling fit. She nodded hastily.**

"**Awesome!" She said, sending him a thumb up. Adam's eyebrows furrowed.**

Clare figured out after several "incidents" that Adam was ready to give up on her. That's not what she intended on him doing to her; she needed him. He was the one who held her up by the strings like she was a puppet. If there was no one that was willing to do the job, then she'd merely be lifeless.

She blinked and came back to the position she was in now. The freight train was utterly close, almost too close for her comfort. She sprung upwards, only to be forced ninety degrees to her left while her body glided downwards. Her head ached as she screamed, pleading God to help her.

No help was given to her.

_Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer_

Clare now could feel that Adam wasn't able to grasp her. She was a lifeless puppet; she now had to hold herself up while she waited for the worst, if there was anything more than _this_. The seconds seemed like hours while she cried in pain, her sorrow blocked out by the sound of the heavy wheels chugging along the tracks.

_Hard to be soft, tough to be tender_

The train seemed to pass after hours. Clare gently massaged her scalp, her hand shaking in the process. The feeling seemed like it was delivered by Satan personally. Clare couldn't think straight, nor could she speak. She was on mute. But odd enough, she enjoyed it. She could feel her body lazily falling down into the trench where the soft grass welcomed her, slightly comforting her.

Tears brimmed Clare's eyes as she thought about how close he had been to dying. She would not continue this routine.

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**I highly respect feedback for this, since using lyrics in my stories are new to me.**

**If you guys do not understand the incident at the end of the chapter, please tell me; it's meant to be written this way but it can be slightly confusing.**


	2. Forests with Unbearable Secrets

**BradlyyJo: Glad you liked it!**

**ILoveMe6133: The incident was that while Clare was jumping off the tracks, the train hit her (and her hair was caught underneath the wheels) because she was too close-not pretty.**

**It was a little hard making this chapter, since it's mostly a fill-in, but next chapter is going to be better (I promise!). I also am planning on going back to my previous stories and getting updated chapters for them, so there may be a new chapter for this in one day, or one week.**

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Clare's eyes squinted in disgust as she felt the damp grass surrounding her, caressing the skin that was shown. It wasn't the most comforting thing in the world to experience, but there were other things that could beat the disgust of waking up damp and cold.

Her head still hurt, demanding her to stay down in the trench. Clare happily obliged, knowing that she could rest in peace after several days of starvation and dehydration kicking in. Each time the train passed by, Clare cowered in fear and sent herself deeper into the trench. She had never thought that the trench could be so deep, but she had already been fooled enough lately.

"**I'm moving."**

The words cut through Clare like a knife. All of her willpower was suddenly gone as she watched Morty sluggishly roll out of sight with her love in the driver's seat.

Clare didn't want to cry. Her breathing was already unsteady as the memory of yesterday's incident replayed in her head, over and over again. She didn't know whether the verbal or physical pain was worse; they were at a fair tie.

The sun was in the distance, its warm rays lightly touching her face in a way she hadn't recognized in a long time. It was pleasant; the feel to be needed once again. But all too soon, clouds started to cover the warmth on her face, leaving her with a cold complexion.

Clare didn't know who she was anymore. Her features felt different; she hadn't looked in a mirror for weeks. Was she still the beautiful Clare Edwards she had grown up to be, or had she turned into a suicidal copy of Darcy Edwards?

She wasn't sure.

Clare lightly patted her pockets as to not disturb her head, noticing that she didn't have her cell phone on her. That was bad sign number one. Clare had always brought her cell phone everywhere she went, but lately she had been leaving her household whenever she chose, and coming back home the same way.

The alert of the train come once again, sending Clare to hyperventilate. She couldn't fear for her life every hour or so; she would have to attempt to move. She slowly brought her arms in front of her limp body, pulling herself upwards as hard as she could. The process made her gasping for air, sending contractions in random parts of her back. The pain was unbearable for one thing; the whole reason why was another.

"**Just don't be stupid while I'm gone; one day I would like to see your shinning bright blue eyes greet me in the same old way."**

Clare shook her head. She didn't want to wait for what seemed to be like a forbidden love. She needed love _now_.

Within several tried, Clare proceeded her attempt in getting up. Only to be sent downwards again as the train passed by and her head's heaviness. The acceleration of her heartbeat was almost immortal; she attempted to get up again after the train was long gone.

Instead of climbing up to the tracks, she climbed the other way; a colorless forest ahead of her. It seemed to show her emotions fairly well; she was too, emotionless. But it was the eloquence of it that made her seem unbearable to be away from. The forest felt the same way, sending Clare signs of _"come to me"_ and _"this is your home"_.

The forest would've scared Clare if she hadn't gone through all she had. She took an unsteady step forward, her legs still unstable. She leaned forward for a branch to help her balance herself while she walked.

The place was unfamiliar to Clare, letting her curiosity and imagination go wild; she had never seen something as beautiful as this. No one else would see what Clare saw in the beauty of the trees and their soft requests.

Was she going insane?

"**Come on Clare! The whole world is full of new doors, dying to be opened."**

Clare didn't believe that at all; the doors were never urging someone to open them; it accidentally would happen. Clare's curiosity would get the best of her at most times, and she couldn't help but follow the path she started.

Clare searched for hours in the forest, trying to understand what "door" there was that remained here. Her frustration was starting to get the best of her as she sat down in one of the openings, burying her face into her hands.

"Why me?" she mumbled into her palms, and she knew that she would never get an answer. God had chosen this course for her; she just didn't understand why. She had tried to be perfect for so many years, and at most times it worked. She was the replacement of Darcy Edwards in her parent's eyes, wasn't that what she had wanted to be?

She was too caught up with wanting to be someone that she forgot who she was. Maybe that was why Eli had left her; she was just another duplicate.

Clare Edwards wasn't going to cry. Clare Edwards never cried.

But then again, who would care?

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Adam was searching for her. The mysterious Clare Edwards had been missing for _days_ now, not even bothering to give him an answer as to why she had left suddenly. Adam knew that this had something to do with Eli's departure, which made him not able to pick up his phone when his best friend called. What would he say to him-"Oh hey, Clare's missing"? That would create even more chaos.

He understood that Eli had to leave, and he couldn't tell Clare why. Eli had made him swear to secrecy that no one would ever find out why he had left. But how much longer could Adam go with this? He had promised Eli many things before, only to be left in dire consequences.

Adam scoffed; Eli couldn't see his true mistakes in his promises. When Clare found about why Eli had left, she would never trust her two friends ever again. Was it even worth it to lose her trust? Adam had grown apart from Clare since she had been getting into life or death events. The rock climbing incident had scared him to no end.

More importantly, Adam had to find Clare; Eli would kill him if he let anything happen to her.

His phone rung once again to the familiar tune of Dead Hand. Adam sighed; it was going to be a while to get rid of the constant calls from his best friend.

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**Now, do we like Adam's partial POV at the end? It was just something different that I wanted to try.**

**Also, I'd love to hear what you think Eli's secret is ;)**


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